cheesebikini?

Ah, ’twas a sweet, sweet Stampede. Indeed.

Find the bunny here.

And there. And here. And there.
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Remember what happened the last time Santa visited North Beach and Chinatown?

Word on the street says he’ll return this weekend.
And he’s one mean drunk.

So you’d better not pout.
 

Books on my nightstand:

Kid: “Bye Dad…”

Dad: “Wait, where are you going?”

Kid: “I’m going down to hang out on the street corner with some friends.”

Dad: “Hmmm. Is that Marcel kid going with you? You and your friends are going to talk aloud, right?”

Kid: “Of course, and don’t worry, Marcel couldn’t make it — too windy or something.”

Dad: “Well, okay. Have fun.”

Announcer: “Do you talk with your kids? Kids who talk are 94% less likely to become mimes than kids who don’t. So talk to your kids… and make sure they talk back. Parents… the anti-mime.”

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Noting all the recent, deadly-serious cheesebikini entries, some casual observers might imagine that I’ve grown up. They should stop making unreasonable assumptions.

Consider Exhibit A, highlights of a sophisticated e-mail debate that I undertook last week with my friend Dave Danzig:

      S: you put the ‘cyst’ in sister

      D: I put the cyst in YOUR sister.

      S: you put the penis in penicillin

      D: You put the vag in vagrant.
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The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

Add it to my wish list: Perfect Sideburns.

(Is this legal in Texas?)

“Everything I ever really needed to know I learned from ruthlessly torturing my captives.”

“We are borrowing this planet from our children,
but we have to put their diapers somewhere.”

It’s a sex therapy site written in Engrish?! Thanks to Davezilla for finding it. An excerpt:

Q: Sir, my sexual activity to my wife is unsatisfied because my ejection is very fast is their any treatment to slow down my ejection

A: You can have sex for hours without ejaculation. You need proper treatment under sexologist.

NOTE: NO DOCTOR OR SEX THERAPIST IS HERE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. I am not at all associated with this “sexologist” and I’m not a sex therapist. So many people have posted comments about their sex problems after this post, that I’m not sure whether they’re joking. If you have a sexual health problem, please seek professional help.